Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Retailers
The good news: Those pastel candy hearts with the words on them are back this Valentine’s Day. The bad news: The words are now “words of encouragement,” and they’re kind of lame. Instead of sending a chalky “Way to Go” to your main squeeze, or munching on a bunch of “Be You”s while streaming sexy movies, consider treating yourself or someone else to a horny beauty product that speaks to your true, inner desires.
Yes, there are the usual suspects, like NARS Orgasm, NARS Super Orgasm, NARS Climax, and NARS Deep Throat, but there are some non-NARS products that are aroused too! Here, 23 more sexy beauty products that convey what you really want to say and/or accomplish this Valentine’s Day.
This hypnotic floral fragrance doesn’t beat around the bush. Ce soir or nah? It’s a heady and hypnotic blend of gardenia, ylang-ylang, tuberose, and sandalwood that has more than enough stamina to last into the evening and beyond.
If florals aren’t your thing, you can always take the musky, salty route. This unique, unisex fragrance is inspired by everyone’s favorite sexy secretions — specifically “sweat, semen, saliva.” Gang’s all here!
If fruit and double entendres are more your speed, consider this elegant celebration of the deed being done. The juicy blend of black cherry, liqueur, almond, and tonka bean is equal parts sweet and sexy — like eating a good cherry, then successfully tying the stem in your mouth without choking on it.
The popular scent also comes in gift-friendly candle form for those who want to broadcast their bedroom accomplishments in a more public fashion.
If you want to sit back and relax, try lighting the Vagina Candle’s follow-up scent, This Smells Like My Orgasm. It’s an uplifting blend of tart grapefruit, neroli, cassis berries, tea, and Turkish rose that’ll put you in a better-than-usual mood regardless of what does or doesn’t go down on Valentine’s Day.
This nine-inch-long bath buddy makes excellent company thanks to its energizing, citrus-y-sweet scent that promises to keep you happy for hours. Its makers would like to remind everyone that Big Eggplant is “For external use only. Please.” Thank you.
Another suggestively shaped plant, this bath bomb named Kim is made of fresh carrot juice, ginger root, and vanilla absolute. She’ll fill your tub with a comforting warm and sweet scent, and a blanket of silky, skin-softening bubbles.
This anatomical bath bomb is another fan-favorite for setting the mood. It turns your bath a bright, festive pink, and scents your soak with seductive jasmine and ylang-ylang. It also comes with a dose of clary sage oil, which will get your skin nice and smooth for date night.
If you want to get into the mood on dry land, there’s always horny dust. Simply mix the smoky adaptogenic blend of “lusty” super-herbs, (including cacao, maca, and good ol’ horny goat weed) into your coffee or milky tea to reduce stress and boost mood, blood flow, and creative energy in the bedroom.
Now’s a good time to treat yourself to a bunch of chubbies. Each stick of this flub-proof tinted balm is loaded with nourishing mango and shea butters to keep your lips soft and make-out-ready.
There’s a reason this full-coverage concealer has become a cult-favorite: It’s nice and springy, always steers clear of cracks, and has a tip that’s smooth and cushion-y. All things to get excited about.
If you’re skipping the lingerie this year, this fleshy peach-colored liquid lipstick is a nice reminder that you’re right, underwear is overrated.
Double down and pair your Commando lips with this peachy-pink shimmery shadow that further encourages you to let it all hang out.
It’s important to speak up and say what you want, and this bold maroon shade with impressive staying power can help you find the words.
If you’re thinking more explicit thoughts, channel them with this ultramatte espresso shade that’s extra bold and borderline black.
If you’re more into looking wet, this high-shine gloss prides itself on getting lips drenched with its “orally fixating formulation.” It comes in an impressive 35 shades, plenty of which are horny, like Aphrodisiac (a peach), Flesh Fantasy (a pinkish beige), and Carnal Desire (a sheer red with sparkly pink and gold flecks).
This sugary, sparkle-infused shade was made for all the Very Sexy Babies out there who don’t take themselves too seriously.
A quick way to temporarily beat the winter blues: Coat your nails in this high-shine teal shade that’s very happy to see you.
Or warm things up with this deep terracotta shade that can tell you what to do with the aforementioned spear in the aforementioned pocket.
This three-way palette comes with creamy and complementary shades of blush, bronzer, and highlighter to create an all-over glow. This smudge-free trio claims to last up to 14 hours, so you can get into plenty of trouble without needing take time-outs for touch-ups.
If you truly want to go all night long, hit up this duo. It sets you up with two bottles of the award-winning mist that actually lowers the temperature of your makeup look, so everything stays put, even when things literally get steamy, be it between the sheets or otherwise.